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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967087">Landslide</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviarty/pseuds/waywardangel'>waywardangel (leviarty)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Worth Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:08:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>806</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviarty/pseuds/waywardangel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck was defeated, the Empty was sated, all crises averted. What happens after - it doesn’t feel momentous, but it does feel earned.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Landslide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by <a href="https://youtu.be/3H9XhE999vY?t=1789">a panel</a> where Misha said “I think Cas is still full of self-loathing and doubt […] I think he never lets himself believe that he’s worthy or wanted.” That moment hit me so hard, this demanded to be written.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Castiel’s hand was on the door when Dean happened around the corner. It was a stroke of luck that Dean spotted him at the top of the stairs.</p>
<p>“Where are you off to?” he asked. He expected the answer to be ‘beer run’ or ‘going for a walk’ or something equally inconsequential. But Cas’ shoulders dropped as he looked down, and Dean knew. Something in his chest sunk, and he put on his stoic face to hide the feeling threatening to bubble over. “I thought you said you weren’t going back to heaven.”</p>
<p>“I’m not. They are recovering nicely, and I don’t… I don’t belong there.”</p>
<p>“So where?” Dean asked, finding trouble in finishing the question. He didn’t want the answer.</p>
<p>Dean started up the stairs toward Cas, slowly. Each step felt as though it was adding more weight to his boots.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Cas said. “I’ll figure it out.”</p>
<p>“What about Jack?” Dean asked. <em>What about us?</em> he didn’t ask.</p>
<p>“I’ll always watch over him,” Cas said. “And he knows how to reach me, if he needs anything.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit,” Dean said. “He needs you in his life.”</p>
<p>“And I’ll be in it. But you and Sam have done well with him, I believe you will continue to do so.”</p>
<p>Dean would’ve laughed out loud, if the situation were anything else, because that was perhaps the stupidest thing Cas had ever said. <em>Sam</em> had done well with Jack. All Dean had was a series of regrets. He would spend the rest of his life trying to make up for all the mistakes he’d made with Jack – even if Jack had forgiven him for all of it, Dean didn’t think he would ever really forgive himself.</p>
<p>“I can’t-” Cas started, then shook his head. “I have to go.”</p>
<p>“No,” Dean said, finally reaching the top of the steps.</p>
<p>“No?” Cas turned to look at him for the first time. He looked… lost.</p>
<p>Dean’s own expression softened. “No,” he said again firmly. “I didn’t stop you before, but I’m not letting you leave again. Not without a fight.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to fight, Dean,” he said, looking away again.</p>
<p>“You think I do?” And he wasn’t really sure what to say or do next. He didn’t want to fight. But he couldn’t let Cas go without doing <em>something</em>. “I don’t know what’s going on in you head,” he says. “But you belong here, with us,” he said. “With <em>me</em>.”</p>
<p>Cas was silent for a moment, which seemed to drag on for eternity. “I am an angel of a Lord that I helped destroy. And long before that, I was cast out of heaven. I do not belong anywhere. You and Sam… you have the opportunity to do whatever you want now. There’s no one pulling your strings, no one making up increasingly dire ways in which to end the world. You can keep hunting, you can retire, settle down, have a family, whatever you want. But I don’t fit in any of that.”</p>
<p>“Dammit, Cas, you <em>are</em> our family.” But that wasn’t what he meant to say. His back was turned to Cas, as if it somehow made it easier. His knuckles turned white as he clenched the railing. “I’m beggin’ you, please. Don’t leave.”</p>
<p>“Dean-”</p>
<p>“No!” Dean said, turning to him again, fire in his eyes. Fuck it. If he’s going to lose Cas either way… “Hunting, retiring, whatever, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to do it without you, <em>because I’m in love with you</em>.”</p>
<p>Cas’ mouth fell open slightly.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Dean said again. The words he’d been so afraid of for so long suddenly felt so easy. He couldn’t help the smile that quirked at the edge of his lips, but there was little mirth in it. “And if you really don’t want to be here…” He shrugged, feeling a little lost. “Fine. I’ll accept it. You better at least say goodbye to Jack and Sammy, they deserve that at least. But if you’re leaving only because you think you <em>don’t fit</em> or you’re not wanted? You’re wrong. <em>You’re wrong</em>. And I’m sorry for not making you see it before.”</p>
<p>Dean sniffed as he turned to walk back down the stairs, but Cas caught him by the wrist, stopping him. He turned back easily, meeting Cas’ gaze. He wasn’t sure what he expected to find there, and he was equally unsure how to translate the look in his eyes. Cas moved his hands to either side of Dean’s face, pulling him closer.</p>
<p>Dean wrapped his arms around Cas as the angel smiled against his lips.</p>
<p>Maybe it should feel groundbreaking or eye-opening or somehow momentous, but instead it just feels <em>calm</em>. Like coming home at the end of a long week.</p>
<p>Cas broke away, resting his forehead against Dean’s.</p>
<p>“Hi.”</p>
<p>“Hello, Dean.”</p>
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